just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
