if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
