dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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