And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
