apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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