I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
