Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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