she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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