i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
