What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize