I am in a vortex of obligation.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize