I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
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