Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
