About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
