DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
