I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
