Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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