Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just high enough for therapy.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
