i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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