What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
