First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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