I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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