so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
