Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
