i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
