On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
