Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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