Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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