There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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