I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
