im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
