I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
