I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize