hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
