No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
