if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
