Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
