whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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