I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
