You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
