I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
