My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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