Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
