Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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