she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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