I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
