the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
