her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
