I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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