I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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