hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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