Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
we made out on top of his cat.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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