If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
