I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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