Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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