im drinking this country out of the recession.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
