Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
True strength comes from lack of pants
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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