The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
