Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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