Barsexuality is the new black.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
