You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
