I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
