these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
